


Carry On Wayward Son

by FanFicAddict7



Series: Playlist-A Bucky Barnes Anthology [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen, Torture, gunshot wound
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:14:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22303183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFicAddict7/pseuds/FanFicAddict7
Summary: Bucky knew he'd meet his end guns blazing. He just never thought of the consequences.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers
Series: Playlist-A Bucky Barnes Anthology [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1371169
Kudos: 5





	Carry On Wayward Son

**Author's Note:**

> This fic contains heavy topics, such as self deprication, torture, abandonment, and opens with a battle scene. Please be conscious about that as you read this

_ Masquerading as a man with a reason _

_ My charade is the event of the season _

_ And if I claim to be a wise man _

_ Well, it surely means that I don't know _

_ - _ **Carry on Wayward Son** _ Kansas _

__

Bucky felt the sting of the bullet as it hit his stomach, the burn of it tearing apart his muscles, his organs, his very being. It took a good ten seconds for him to even register what had happened. The momentum carried him through his injury, allowing him to keep fighting. He felt the bullet tearing at his insides as he turns to fend off another enemy, but he can’t find it in himself to stop. He tells himself he can’t stop for Steve, for Sam, for all the people relying on him. He owed it to them, after all. They’d done so much for him, fought so hard for him. So he kept fighting. Even as his eyes blurred, his vision faded, his motions slowed. The pain building in his abdomen grew, screaming to be heard. He could feel the blood soak his legs, his socks, his soul. His punches grew lighter as his legs grew heavier. 

__

Finally, after shooting the last man about to kill Sam, Bucky collapsed. The pain of his knees hitting the cement below was nothing compared to his gut. And that paled in comparison to how he felt seeing the morphing of expressions on Steve’s face. Analyzing. Confusion. Worry. Desperation. 

__

Steve’s voice sounded distant, underwater. Sam’s face was a mask, while Steve had a single tear running down his face. Poor Peter looked confused as he looked between the adults. They all began to blur, even more, a black haze falling over his eyes. His ears were failing him, too. The darkness consumed him, accompanied by the burnt image of Steve’s tear, the smell of gunpowder, and a strong metallic taste. He no longer hurt, at least not physically. The only pain in his last seconds was emotional.

__

James Buchanon Barnes always knew he’d go down fighting. Especially for those he loved. He pretended it was out of some selfless notion of protecting others, but in the end, it became a way to escape his past. To pretend he was still that boy from Brooklyn, the one who died on the ice all those years ago. The longer he fought, post-Winter Soldier, the more reckless he became. Like if he died, he could kill the demons left behind from Hydra. He only realized his mistake too late. He wasn’t that assassin anymore, but a man who was loved. But it took that gunshot to realize it. 

__

~◆~◆~

__

Bucky thought he was in hell. He figured he had earned that much, anyway, all the terrible things he had done while under Hydra’s control.

__

He was tied to a table, vibranium restraints locking his wrists in place. He pulled and pulled, but the restraints wouldn’t budge, his metal arm groaning and his flesh arm tearing. He tried to scream but found his throat blocked. When he tried to claw whatever was there, he was reminded of his restraints. He kicked, testing if there were locks on his ankles, too, only to realize his legs weren’t listening. 

__

Suddenly, he heard heavy boots approach him.

__

_ “Zhelaniye,  _ _ rzhaviy _ _ , semnadtsat, rassvet, pech, devyat, dobrokachestvennyy,  _ _ vozvrasheniye na rodinu _ _ , odin,  _ _ tovarniy _ _ vagon.” _

__

Bucky froze. The voice and the words were familiar, but they didn’t belong together. Blond hair and blue eyes enter his view.

__

“Very good,  _ soldat _ . Now you will be still as I show you all the pain you’ve put me through.”

__

This was wrong. This looked like Steve, but the Steve he knew would never do this to him. Would never say those words, would never hurt him intentionally. Of course, he couldn’t say any of that. He had been activated. Could only do what he was told. Which in this case, was stay absolutely still and wait for whatever this Steve had in store for him.

__

His stomach felt on fire. Bucky could feel the knife slice him open. Steve was rearranging him from the inside, setting every nerve in his body on fire. He tried to scream again, only able to produce horrible gasping sounds, his throat still blocked. This continued until darkness took him once again.

__

When Bucky woke again, all he could see was Sam’s face. Anger and resentment emanated from his friend.

__

“This is all your fault. You deserve all of it.” Bucky knew he was right. Tears streamed down his face as Sam turned and left him there.

__

He could see Steve again. There was no light in his eyes, and Bucky knew. Knew he had failed at the one thing he had ever strived to do. Protect Steve. Steve would never forgive him. He would never forgive himself.

__

Soon, more bodies joined Steve’s. His mom, his sister, Peter, Natasha, Tony, T’Challa, Shuri, Clint, Bruce, Scott, Carol, Thor, everyone.

__

“NO!” Bucky tried to sit upright but immediately hit the bed again, the restraints halting his momentum.

__

“Bucky! Buck, calm down. It’s okay, you’re okay. It’s me! It’s Steve.” Steve tried to put his hand on Bucky’s shoulder only to withdraw when Bucky flinched.

__

“Don’t fucking touch me.” Bucky rasped, fear evident on his face.

__

“It’s okay. I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to, but you need to calm down. You just woke up.”

“Woke up?”

__

“Yeah, Buck, you’ve been out for about 2 weeks.”

__

“What happened?” He was scared of the answer but needed to know.

__

“You were shot. Pretty bad, actually. We don’t know how you made it to the end of the fight.” Sam spoke up from his post in the corner when Steve struggled to answer.

__

“And the cuffs?” Bucky pulled gently, emphasizing the fact that he was still restrained.

__

“You tried to pull your vent out. And attack Steve. We were afraid of you busting your stitches.” Steve began unlocking the restraints.

__

Finally, Bucky took an assessment of his condition. His stomach was still tender, but he couldn’t feel anything below the waist. It was just...nothing.

__

“They were able to fix your gut, but your spinal cord...not even the serum could heal it. I’m sorry, Buck,” Steve whispered.

This was what he deserved, Bucky thought before getting lost in his own head, not listening to what anyone was saying. This was his punishment for everything, being reduced to one working limb. This was Bucky now.

_  
  
  
_


End file.
